Psych: Team Building Exercises
by DARWIN51
Summary: What do you get when you put a goth Lassie, an impulsive Shawn, a destructive Buzz, and everyone else in a therapy session together? This story!
1. Chapter 1

**I give credit to author 'YourKarmaHitMyDharma'for inspiring this story and style of writing by planting a seed inside my brain, sprouted out my ears, and became this story. It was a painful process, but here it is:**

Chief: It has come to my attention that you all don't seem to get along very well so I will be holding team building exercises for everyone.

Lassie: Do I have to be here?

Shawn: DOG!

Gus: Shawn, that's a rabbit.

Shawn: you're a rabbit!

Henry: Shawn, close your eyes, how many idiots in the room?

Shawn: NINE!

Juliet: There's only seven of us, dofus.

Buzz: Whoa! Good math! Do it again!

Chief: Okayy…here's how it works: I say a word, and you say the first word that comes into your mind. I'll start. Pony.

Lassie: Death.

Gus: Pineapple!

Shawn: Where?

Henry: Sea Bass.

Lassie: Monsters in my closet.

Shawn: Hey! It's not your turn!

Buzz: Monsters? AHHHHHH!

*runs through door and down hallway*

Chief: umm…

Mr Yin: Hehehehehhehehe….

Shawn: I thought I killed you!

Lassie: Life is always the cause of death.

Gus: Woah man, that's deep

Yang: I LOVE YOU SHAWN!

*falls out window*

Shawn's mom: DON'T KILL ME!

Jules: Cheifff….

Chief: What?

Jules: Shawn broke my orange juice!

Shawn: Did not! It was Gus!

Gus: What!

Jules: Gus! *growls*

Shawn: He also stole your giraffe! I watched him!

Jules: GIVE IT BACK!*attacks Gus*

Gus: No, honestly, I didn't!

Shawn: *giggles and pulls a giraffe out of his pocket*

Jules: *screams*

Henry: Shawn! How many plants in the room?

Lassie: *snatches giraffe from Shawn and eats it*

Shawn: GASP

Gus: GASP

Lassie: BURP

Jules: I loved that thing…

Buzz: *runs back in* What'd I miss?

Chief: okayy... we've successfully wasted 3 hours. See you all tomorrow, if you make it that long…..

Gus: TO THE BLUEBERRY!

Shawn: Forget the blueberry man, I have new means of transportation! BEAM ME UP SCOTTY! *gets beamed up*

Everyone: GASP.

Gus: *tears up* he…he ditched me!

Yang: I'll go home with you Gus…. *winks*

Gus: AHHHHHHHH!

Buzz runs out, crashing through the door

Everyone: WHAT GUS?

Gus: I…I forgot.

Henry: Close your eyes and try harder, It'll come eventually.

Buzz: *runs back in* is Gus constipated? Push, Gus! Push harder!

Gus: AHHHH!

Everyone: WHAT NOW!

Gus: I remembered…

Everyone: And…!

Gus: …..I can't drive….

Buzz: *runs out*

Everyone: Will you stop doing that!

Jules: I still didn't find out who broke my orange juice…

**A/N Well my friends all hate it, this story and this style of writing but screw what they say, right? I love it. Hope you did too! More chapters soon, tell me if you disagree with my friends! I honestly hate the author notes at the end of stories so ill shut up!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chief: Okay guys, today we will be doing a game where we go around and each person says some secret about yourself that you want to reveal. Let's start with Gus.

Gus: I eat butterflies.

Buzz: MURDERERRRRR!

Jules: We need more characters in this story

Lassie: Secret-I died.

Shawn: IM PREGNANT!

Everyone: GASP

Jules: Is it a boy or a girl?

Shawn: *pauses, thinking* Yes.

Everyone: uhmmmm…..

Chief: *mumbles to herself* just let it go Karen, deep breaths

Buzz: I didn't finish my homework…

Gus: DON'T FALL FOR IT MAN!

Buzz: I need help….what's 7 minus 2?

Gus: what kind of homework are you doing? What kind of torture?

Buzz: My teacher gave it to me…..

Guz: Does your teacher also offer you free candy and a ride in a windowless van? Yeah that's what I thought.

Buzz: Haha look how the author spelled your name!

Shawn: Spelled? Spelt? Spulted?

Lassie: Sp-died.

Buzz: WHATS MY NAME?

Jules: oh-na-na

Gus: why do you need to know your name?

Buzz: it's on my homework. GAH! I DIDN'T STUDY!

Shawn: SPRELTED!

Jules: That's what you say when your plant grows.

Chief: OKAYYY I brought you all presents.

Everyone: YAYYYYY!

*chief throws the bag into the middle of the circle*

Everyone attacks the bag.

Henry: yoyos?

Shawn: twit-face, it's not a yoyo. It's a spinning plastic sandwich on a string.

Lassie: it's death. It's a symbol of everything depressing and broken. I can just imagine strangling a cat with it.

Everyone: LASSIE!

Lassie: what? Dogs don't like cats.

Shawn: Good boy, Lassie!

Buzz: Secret- I broke Juliet's orange juice.

Henry: SAY WHATTTTT.

Shawn: What.

Lassie: What.

Gus: What.

Jules: Grrrrr…

Henry: What?

Shawn: you said say what. I did.

Henry: barf-head.

Shawn: Daddddd… that's embarrassingggggg. Only cool people say thatttt.

Lassie: Secret- I have a gun.

Buzz: everyone get down!

Shawn: *scrambles under chair*

Buzz: *runs through door*

Henry: TAKE MEEE!

Jules: Idiots he always has a gun!

Lassie: *jumps on desk* I WANT IT ALL!

Gus: Dude why did you say that?

Lassie: the author is really pissed off by a commercial going I WANT IT ALL so they took their anger out on us.

Gus: Damnit! The author hates us!

Shawn: *gets on his knees* WHYYYYY!

Jules: *slaps shawn*

Shawn: AHHHHUUGGHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEOOOYYYYYYY!

Jules: geez it wasn't that hard.

Shawn: no! I think my water just broke!

Chief: oh lord.

Henry: DUCK AND COVER!

Shawn: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIEEE EEEEEEEEEEE!

Buzz: come again?

Yang: is it a boy or a girl? Find out next chapter, the only way for everyone to not hate me is for you to review! Okay I don't know how that helps…


	3. Chapter 3

**Is anyone but me surprised to find that 'whoa' is spelled w-h-o-a and not w-o-a-h? 'woah' 'whoa'? **

Chief: Okay in today's session we will be playing a game where you tell your favorite things. I'll give a category: food.

Shawn: Pineapple!

Juliet: What is it with pineapples?

Shawn: What is it with your face!

Buzz: I don't get it…..

Juliet: Shut up farthead!

Shawn: Make me poopy-face!

Chief: BREAK IT UP YOU TWO

Yang: MARRY ME SHAWN!

Shawn: Go away creep.

Yang: WAHHH you hurt my feelings!

Chief: Excuse me, favorite food?

Gus: Fries Quatro-Queso dos Fritos!

Lassie: Death…

Henry: Death isn't a food.

Shawn: No fair lassie you have to pick something real!

Lassie: Poisonberry

Juliet: Creep…..

Chief: Okayyy favorite place.

Jules: ATLANTIS!

Henry: The Ocean.

Gus: Whoa man, that's deep.

Henry: I can't touch the bottom.

Lassie: the tallest mountain is underwater.

Shawn: I'm scared of heights…

Yang: I like being up the tree in Shawn's backyard that has a really nice view of his bedroom…

Everyone: O

Gus: Anyone ever seen a zebra?

Jules: I have to wear sunglasses when I look at them.

Chief: umm wtf?

Jules: because they have stripes. Duh.

Gus: Whoa man, that's deep.

Everyone except Gus: NO ITS NOT!

Shawn: I HAD A BABY!

Everyone except Henry: WHATT?

Henry: We were all here, why are you so surprised?

*Buzz runs out*

Shawn: It ran away….

Jules: The baby was Buzz?!

Shawn: …nooo…

Everyone: oh

Lassie: When a baby is born, someone out there dies.

Buzz: *mesmerized* Out Where….?

Gus: Dude! I thought you left.

Buzz: I was here all along…..

Everyone: O

Buzz: what? I was hiding.

Shawn: OMG he's Waldo!

Jules: Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding

Buzz: I'm right here…..

Jules: Then you're not Waldo, duh

Shawn: CHIPMUNK

Jules: WHERE!

Shawn: In my pocket….

Jules: GIVE IT!

Shawn: NO!

Jules: Chiefffff

Chief: don't wanna hear it.


	4. Chapter 4

Chief:Okay, in this game we will each confess something that we've done and regret.

Gus: I ate butterflies!

Lassie: I sucked someone's blood….and I don't regret it…

Jules: Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter!

Buzz: I can't believe it!

Shawn: JULES I LOVE YOU SO MARRY ME

Yin: NO SHAWN MARRY ME!

Gus: I now pronounce you psychopath and wife.

Shawn: Did you call me a psychopath?

Gus: No, I called you a wife.

Yin: I LOVE YOU HUBBY!

*jumps out window and dies*

Gus: Wifey you da man.

Jules: Chuck Norris can jump out a window and live.

Gus: Stop with Chuck Norris!

Jules: He can hear you!

Gus: NO he cant.

Jules: is too!

Buzz: I don't get it…

Gus: If he can hear me, he will punch me in the face right now

*Henry punches Gus and grows a beard*

Henry: I AM CHUCK NORRIS. YAH.

Jules: *tosses Henry a pair of sunglasses* Watch out for zebras.

**Okay this is a short one, I know, but just wait for next chapter when they all go on a picnic…ooh.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I was at Niagara falls the other day and it inspired this chapter.**

Chief-Okay so today we're going to go on a field trip. *whispers* god help us. We are going to have a picnic at Niagara Falls.

Shawn-I hope he can get back up!

Buzz-What!

Chief-Okay, lets go.

~at Niagara falls~

Lassie-I love waterfalls. They're like tears falling from the eyes of the sky.

Jules-*shouts over the roar of the falls* THAT'S A LOT OF TEARS

Henry-WHAT?

Gus-*peers over railing* Whoa man, that's deep.

*distant voice* WOOOHHhhhhhhh…..

Chief-*sees Lassie about to go over falls, drifting downstream through the rapids* OMG! Is he in a barrel?

*Henry appears behind Lassie in a barrel, too*

Lassie-Death here I come!

Henry-CHUCK NORRIS CAN SURVIVE ANYTHING!

Jules-That's true.

Chief-OHMYGOD, someone call the police!

Everyone- We ARE the police!

Buzz-Right Angle!

Pope-Idiot! It's obtuse!

Buzz-Ohhhh…

Shawn-Gus! Quick! Pick my nose!

Gus-No!

Shawn- Gus, c'mon hurry dude, I really need it!

Gus-Shawn. I will not pick your nose.

Henry- *Going over the edge* WOOOOO!

Lassie-*Going over * ughh…It's too wet.

*Ten minutes later at the hospital*

Chief-Great. We successfully managed to almost kill two people today.

Buzz- YEAH! LET'S SHOOT FOR THREE!

Lassie-*startling awake* Shoot? SHOOT WHO? *reaches for his gun, finds it's not there* EEEEKKKKKK! *sees he is wearing a dress* EEEKKKKK!

Henry-WOO! MANN WHAT A RUSH! CHUCK NORRIS CAN NOT BE KILLED!

Jules-DAMN RIGHT!

Shawn-Spider!

Lassie-EEKKKK!

Henry-*flat lines* BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Jumps out of bed* MANNN WHAT A RUSH!

Chief- how is he…?

Jules-CHUCK NORRIS can be dead and alive at the same time!

Shawn- AHAHAHAHHAHAHA oh Jules that's so funny! HAHAHAH! oohhhhh….*wipes tear*

Buzz-I don't get it….

Jules-You're dumb.

Lassie-I'm gangsta.

Everyone-what?

Lassie-Being emo is too much work. I'm gangsta. Livin on the edge wit mah homie dawgs. In da hood. werd.

Buzz-What word?

**Thanks for reading and please review it will make my day this special day because it is my birthday!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chief: SO. With two near death experiences yesterday, we are staying in this room with padded walls and that's why you are all in straitjackets.  
>Shawn: *nibbles at straitjacket* I don't like it.<br>Lassie: I want mine to be black.  
>Gus: no, you mean African American.<br>Yang's ghost: falling out windows hurrt.  
>Everyone: *silence*<br>Gus: we're being haunted...  
>Buzz: EEEK! *runs out door, but it turns out there is no door so he ends up running into the padded wall so hard he falls down and passes out*<br>Jules: Oh snap.  
>Buzz: *mumbling in high pitched voice in his sleep* it's the future I can see!<br>Everyone in chorus: THAT'S SO RAVENN  
>Buzz: so mysterious to mee<br>Shawn: wait! No, it's the future _I _can see  
>Jules: no, it's the future Chuck Norris can see<br>Henry: aw hell yeah! I see paiinnn in your future!  
>Buzz: I brung a friend<br>Gus: Uh, you mean you _brought _a friend  
>Buzz: I didn't buy him, I stole him!<br>*Pulls out a large fish tank with an otter-type animal inside*  
>Jules: Ooh what animal is that?!<br>Buzz. I call him Dwight.  
>Jules: No, what kind of animal?<br>Buzz: oh! It's a sea animal.  
>Jules: ...no, what <em>kind <em>of animal is it? Specifically.  
>Buzz: uhh... Salt water I think?<br>Gus: ugh she means what BREED.  
>Buzz: oh! Why didn't you just say so? It's a parakeet.<br>Everyone looks at the otter swimming around in the tank  
>Shawn: that is NOT a parakeet.<br>Buzz: SHHH! You don't want him to hear! *whispers* I haven't had the heart to tell him he's adopted yet  
>Gus:...<br>Jules:...  
>Shawn:...<br>Chief: O...kay then. Let's all try that secret sharing exercise again alright? Who wants to start?  
>Jules: I have 2 uncles who eat dog biscuits on a regular basis<br>Gus: Once, I split an infinitive. It will never happen again.  
>Dwight: I thought I was a mermaid for 8 years<br>Buzz: ..you're not even 2 years old  
>Lassie: I'm Batman<br>Shawn: LASSIE'S HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS!  
>Lassie: No! I really am! And you can't tell anyone!<br>*boop boop be doop*  
>Gus: what was that?<br>Lassie: That was my Batphone  
>Jules: Did it just ring Kim Possible?<br>Lassie...nooooo  
>*boop boop be doop*<br>Lassie: sorry, I'm a very popular man and this is a very busy phone.  
>Gus: not as popular as my playa phone...<br>*boop boop be doop*  
>Yang: MAKE IT STOPP!<br>Lassie: let me just take this. *answers phone* Hello, this is BatWayne...I-I mean this is BruceMan...SHIT!  
>*sound of bubbles...however you type that*<br>Shawn: what was that?  
>Buzz: Dwight farted.<br>Dwight: why you gotta blame everything on me?  
>*Shawn looks to his right to find Yang blowing bubbles in his face*<br>Lassie: I've been forced to take up a new identity!  
>Jules: Who are you?<br>Lassie: I can't tell you. But I can give you a hint. I live in a pineapple...  
>Shawn: PINEAPPLES!<br>Lassie: ..under the sea. 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N thanks to everyone who reads this story and reviews, favorites, follows, etc. I'm going to apologize in advance for my bad rapping skills. Enjoy!

_**Previously:**_

_Lassie: I've been forced to take up a new identity!  
>Jules: Who are you?<br>Lassie: I can't tell you. But I can give you a hint. I live in a pineapple...  
>Shawn: PINEAPPLES!<br>Lassie: ..under the sea. _

Jules: Ooh! I know! You're Buzz Lightyear!  
>Gus: Mulan!<br>Henry: George Bush!  
>Lassie: You're all wrong. I am the Avatar. Master of all four elements. Me and my two best friends Cookie and Mose try to do the impossible: survive middle school. Lucky there's a Lassiter guy, Lassie is a man who positively can do all the things that psych you out in the end.<br>*silence*  
>Jules: Oh.<br>Henry: So, Lassiter, I assume you never had that talk with your guidance counselor in high school about what you want to be when you grow up?  
>LassieAang/Ned/Peter/Lassie again: Yes actually I did. I said I wanted to be Barack Obama  
>Jules: How did you even know who he-never mind.<br>Buzz: Are we picking new identities? I call summer camp art counselor!  
>Jules: Wha-<br>Buss: Gather 'round kids! See these leaves? NATURE IS OUR FRIEND! Glue these leaves to the paper like this *Smacks paper full of glue on Jules's face* And add some feathers! *spits feathers at Jules* *High pitched voice* Aand you have art!  
>Chief: Oh my.<br>Gus: So I can be Dora the-  
>Chief: NO ONE GETS NEW IDENTITES!<br>Woody: Damnit  
>Jules: Wait, so who is Lassie?<br>Lassie: WHO AM I?!  
>Chief: Uh, I'm gonna give you the number to a therapist for that one.<p>

Shawn: *walks in with a guitar case, a suitcase, and a hat, out of breath* Hey guys. I can't stay. I just got back from the airport  
>Gus: Ooh, where'd you go?<br>Shawn: *narrows eyes* _places._ Anyway I'm just here to give you your passport back  
>Gus: You borrowed my passport!?<br>Shawn: Yup  
>Gus: …and they thought the picture was <em>you?<em>  
>Shawn: …yeah.<br>Gus: *frowns* really?  
>Shawn: ….I told them I took a bath. ANYWAYS-<br>Gus: WHAT?!  
>Shawn: So here's your passport I really gotta go *shifting uncomfortably*<p>

Henry: Shawn. *pauses* Where do you think you're going?  
>Buzz: Yeah! You have to play your guitar for us!<br>Shawn: Well I really have to drop this stuff off at the Psych office so…  
>Henry: Shawn. What's in the guitar case?<br>Lassie: Are your pants moving?  
>Shawn: …Whoa, Jules, button up your shirt farther please, you're making me hot<br>*Everyone stares as Shawn's pants continue to wriggle around*  
>*Shawn's pants make a weird barking sound*<br>Gus: I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure no one barks from their pants when they're turned on.  
>Jules: I sure hope not<br>Shawn: YOU DON'T KNOW ME!  
>*Suddenly an animal crawls out of his pants*<br>Gus: Holy shit Shawn! Is that a meerkat?  
>Buzz: *chases after animal* Come here Timon!<br>Henry: You smuggled a meerkat? That's nearly impossible!  
>Buzz: He should get a gold star!<p>

Gus: What's this? *Pulls off Shawn's belt which is actually a tube filled with fish* You smuggled _goldfish?_ Why would you smuggle goldfish, you can buy them for free! In America!  
>Woody: *Gets on table and starts chanting* USA! USA!<br>Yang's ghost: *Throws a shoe at Woody* PATAGONIA, BITCH!  
>Henry: Really? A belt of fish?<br>Shawn: ….I saw it on Rugrats: All Grown Up..  
>Henry: Now what's in the guitar case?<br>*Gus goes to open it*  
>*Case opens and an animal jumps out and climbs around the room*<br>Buzz: yoU GOT A MONKEY!  
>*The animal climbs on Buzz and slaps him across the face* Bitch I am a lemur<br>Shawn: Watch out! Sometimes he gets kind of…  
>*Lemur jumps onto Chief's head and pulls her necklace, strangling her*<br>Shawn: …homicidal  
>Chief: Ack! Ack!<br>Woody: Ooh! I love charades! You're a bird! A bird!  
>Chief: ACKKK!<br>Buzz: A jammed toaster?  
>Chief: ACKK! ACKKK!<br>Buzz: My grandma taking out her dentures!  
>Chief: *holds up middle finger* Ack!<br>Woody: Okay, one word. Umm…  
>Shawn: *runs up from behind with a microwave and smashes it on the lemur's head* I got it! *holds up lemur by its tail* I got it!<br>Henry: Do you know how much money those things are worth!  
>Buzz: Can we get a pool? I've always wanted a pool!<br>Henry: YOU CANT GET ANYTHING WITH A DEAD LEMUR  
>Shawn: *viciously performs CPR on the lemur* C'mon little buddy! Make me rich!<br>Jules: I am _never_ kissing you again.  
>Lemur: *weakly* I am alive! Shawn, you have saved me! And killed me but whatever. *cough* I have but one last request for my short time left on this planet…read me a bedtime story<br>Shawn: *sobs* anything for you!  
>*Shawn and lemur have a moment*<p>

Shawn: Umm..okay..so..uh..once upon a time… there was this guy  
>Lemur: *grabs Shawn's collar* What was his name?<br>Shawn: Uh, Bob. So Bob was walking his dog one day, when suddenly he fell…INTO A COMA! Then the dog fell too! INTO A COMA! So Bob was in the hospital. Poor Bob. When suddenly, looming around the corner of his hospital room, in came the hariest, viciousest, disgustingest creature that ever lived! It was Olga, the nurse, who came to change his pee bag. One day, Bob's girlfriend visited him. She was so sad, also she had been watching a log of Disney movies lately, so she figured if she kissed him, he might wake up. She went over and kissed him, then suddenly…she fell…INTO A COMA! And Bob died! The end.  
>Lemur: *Sniffing* that… *starts crying* that was the most beautiful thing I ever heard!<br>Shawn: Can we sell you now?

*lemur gets up on the window ledge and starts rapping*

Y'all bitches be trippin if you think that you be gettin  
>A piece of this lemur, huh no sir!<br>So now I'm gonna leave, that you better believe  
>If you try and catch me I'll kick yo asses into outer space<br>And if I can't do that then I'll just FART ON YOUR FACE!  
>I'm out<br>*Lemur backflips out the window and out of sight. Then they hear some glass breaking, a man yelling "Hey that's my car!" then the sound of a car speeding away*  
>Chief: *still passed out on the floor*<br>Jules: um.  
>Gujs: He's a terrible rapper<br>Henry: wait, Shawn? This suitcase is moving too! How many animals did you smuggle?  
>Shawn *Starts counting on fingers*<br>Henry: well?  
>Shawn: I'm just doing this to look smart. I don't actually know how to count<br>Jules: * facepalm*  
>Gus: *unzips suitcase. A small pink animal climbs out* you smuggled Piglet?!<br>Piglet: Oh! D-d-d-dear! *runs out*|  
>Lassie: Dafuq<p>

Thanks for reading and please review!


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